You are my gift.

This story is from several years back; probably between 2009 and 2011. I don’t remember the exact date. But I will never forget his words.

I was never fat when I was younger. You can see from the photos of me when Steve and I met, that I was boarding on tiny. I do however come from a line of pudgy people. Look on my mom’s side of the family and you see that we resemble Santa, not too tall, and twice as wide. Therefore, I’ve always worried about my weight.

Our baby
No I don’t know what that thing is.

When we first became serious, I would tell Steven, “But what if I get fat? Will you still love me when I’m fat?” Being an optimist, he would always reply, “You won’t get fat.” Now, this is an aside from the story, but about a year ago he did tell me, “I never should have responded to your concern about getting fat with, ‘You won’t get fat.’ I should have said, ‘It won’t matter if you get fat.’” Word to the wise to anyone out there who might have a significant other worry about getting fat. Always reply, “It won’t matter.”

Back in 2007, a lot of bad stuff happened to me. I was stressed at work by a coworker who was bullying me and making my life a living hell. It was so bad that I had a little mental breakdown. I ended up experiencing major panic attacks and was eventually diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I started seeing a psychiatrist and I was put onto medication, with the side effect of weight gain.

I also was suffering with fibroid tumors, ovarian cysts, and endometriosis. I started on hormone therapy, with the side effect of weight gain, and eventually had a hysterectomy, also with the side effect of weight gain. Let’s just say that even if genetics wasn’t a factor, I was in for gaining weight.

Matching clothes
Matching outfits I made us. Gideon had one too and was about 2 years old.

Now let me just tell you right off that weight never mattered to Steve unless it was on his own body. His New Year’s resolution for this year was to drop 15 – 20 pounds. He cut out eating seconds at meals and was trying not to snack after dinner. By February he had already dropped enough for him to add some of those nighttime snacks back into his diet. He also works hard at not judging others by the size of their bodies. Being married to me opened his eyes on that one. He was completely shocked that I was gaining when he saw that I wasn’t being a sloth or glutton. He knew that something else must be at play in my weight gain and he applied that understanding to how he saw others. He was always very purposeful with learning new information. He was always growing.

So anyways, back several years ago, I had a melt down about my weight. I was so disgusted that the diet I was on wasn’t working. And that is putting it mildly! I was seeing a nutritionist and doctor who both couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t losing weight when I was only eating what they approved and was walking between 3 – 5 miles a day.

I cried and sobbed about how ugly I was and apologized to him for gaining so much weight. He took me by both shoulders and looking in my eyes said, “I need to apologize to you! I really don’t like super skinny girls and I’ve encouraged you to put on weight.” I continued to sob and replied, “I’m not chubby Stosh, I’m down right fat!” He then got very serious and said, “Nancy. I don’t care what you look like. I really don’t. I love YOU. I think you’re sexy. You are my gift. Your body is just the package. I’ve enjoyed all of your packages. I loved skinny Nancy. I loved pregnant Nancy. I loved sick Nancy. And I love fat Nancy. I love you. You are my gift.”

Opposite sides of door
Annabel took this photo of us at the Cambria Pines Lodge on my birthday in 2014 (or so).

4 thoughts on “You are my gift.

Add yours

  1. What a wonderful man & beautiful spirit. Nancy what some women would give to have even an hour of there lives with a man with that kind of love. Sending you all my love & I have to believe Steve is holding you close now & always. Thank you for sharing this beautiful soulful part of your lives✨💗🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. omg nanc, i am in love with your husband. and you too it seems. you guys are my idols. i have read all of your post on april 13. i must admit i didn’t know you and steve all that well, like an antie you see once in a while. i have grown so close to you both through your post. steve is not gone. he is alive and well in your stories and i love him now as you do. he will be always with us and i am enormously greateful for you sharing him with me.

    Liked by 1 person

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